Poem #40: It

It’s like your limbs are extended five hundred feet, maybe twenty, and you can hug the world with one arm, as fluorescent hues traipse around you and you feel so alive.

It’s the way that you feel when sleep eludes and you stare at the ceiling hoping for stars and finding only a cracked beige, barely visible in the jagged blue toned light from the broken window.

Have you ever wished on a meteor, or a planet, and known it would come true?

My lucky color is green, it is the earth, the sun, the moon, it is balance and energy, life and death, it decides for you.
Survive.

It’s the snow rushing from the heavens like god just got blown. That’s not sacrilegious, it’s a simile.
It’s your muscles moving in unison to make a better look on your sad face. That’s not improvement, it’s a smile.

It’s finding your way home in the dark after one in the morning, mud on your jeans and twigs in your hair. Who really cares where you were before, because you didn’t exist then, and now you do, you’re real. Real scared.

I tried to find it. The map you gave me was written in blood and that simple fact made my tears stain it beyond legibility. I’m so sorry I can’t ask you to make another.

Once upon a time, you existed. Now you’re just a speck in the distance, a star in the sky, a shadow at night. Now you’re only in my dreams, in my writing, in paintings of fruit and faces and dead animals. Now you’re no more real than me.

It’s hidden in a red toolbox rusting under your broken porch, it’s in a safe in that hotel in Vegas you never went to, it’s under your pillow waiting for you. It’s anywhere you’re not and everywhere you want to be.

It’s like you’re four hundred feet tall and everyone else is a thousand, and they have gills and breathe underwater and you can’t follow them and drown and you can’t stay on the shore and mourn and starve and so you-

Have you ever wished on anything, and known it would come true?


***
This is more prose-poetry random drifting artsy completely incomprehensible babble. Old work, but I like it.